Sometimes, in life, the lessons for life are learnt with a price that cost a vacation. This happened for real today and the pain is excruciating. Like a heartbroken wreck, I was flayed open while strapped tight onto an uncomfortable rollercoaster of emotions: denial, disbelief, negotiating a resolution, depression, anger, acceptance and moving on.
Today was a day like no other: I discovered something and a part of me is writhing and squirming and gasping and screaming even though no part of me outwardly seems to be doing that. It must be a part deep deep inside, probably my unconscious.
This is how my conscious brain responds when faced with a new heartbreaking, soul wrenching kind of reality:
1. Nothing's wrong. All's good. Nothing's wrong. Wait, is something wrong?
2. Flight or fight response in some varying degree is triggered.
3. An action occurs.
4. A reaction occurs.
5. A long chat with Mom.
6. Back to normal.
This time, I am hell bent on the lesson learning phase. Or at least my soul is.
1. Always go to the one truest source, the most absolute, reliable source for anything you are seeking. The source I relied on was not the one I should have relied on. This then made me think about life and the big decisions of life. Maybe, the sources that we have used to map our life are not the right sources, who's to say? Our careers, our dreams, our friends, our beliefs, our thoughts: what sources did we use to build our reality? What source should we be using? Most of us probably used society & the outside world, which I did. Now, I am learning to let my soul & my inside world be the one true source.
2. Do not leave important things for the last minute. There might not be a last minute. Act now. Live now. I am slaying to pieces this preposterously annoying habit of doing everything last minute and doing everything at the very end.
That is all. Now, I need to go punch the pillow and sob my eyes out. Kidding. I hope.
P.S. I hope I don’t go all hysterical and insane tomorrow.